FAST FORWARD

I went through some hard times during the first few weeks of giving birth I was exclusively breastfeeding the twins and it was taking a toll on me. I was having marital issues, I had a 3-year old that kept begging for attention, I was having pain from the c-section, it was just horrible. I went through so much in so little time I would cry myself to sleep a lot of the times and nobody knew about this. I would keep it all to myself and keep on smiling the next morning my life was a complete disaster. When you have a baby you’re suppose to be happy and exited and a little stressed but nothing major, but I felt like everything was coming down at 100 miles per hours . My perfectly imperfect family of 5 didn’t seem like i was going to happen. I was emotionally drained my body couldn’t take it either waking up to feed the twins giving Alexander time I didn’t have time to sleep or even breathe for that matter. I know I’m not the only woman who’s felt like this after giving birth not to forget the changes your body goes through physically. It’s all so draining emotionally and physically sometimes you get to the point where you want to give up. I got to my breaking point not once, not twice, not three, but multiple times. It was some difficult times for me. I just couldn’t open up to anybody about my problems. I didn’t want people to see me as a failure I didn’t want people to judge me I didn’t want to accept my truth. The only thing that kept me going was the beautiful blessings that god gave me my 3 beautiful children. I was obsessed with my daughter she was so perfect and my boys? Don’t get me started! In all of this time went by and when the twins were a month in a half I decided something life altering. I decided that my best bet was to be a single mother of three. My oh my did this catch me by surprise never did I want to do this or even think about it but it was what I wanted and felt that was best for everybody. My close family and friends know how hard it was for me to make this decision. I would go back and fourth i only told two people what was going on and they not once told me what to do they always just guided me and tried to ease my pain and I’ll never forget what they would say “at the end of the day it is your decision nobody else has a say in this you are the one that will have to live with the decision.” One of my brothers helped me so much he’s such a special dude I just want you to know I love you so much. My other brother I didn’t want to tell him because I didn’t know how he would react he was upset but god was he beyond supporting like thanks for stepping up to the plate and being such an amazing brother and uncle I love you both so much you’re the best gift my dad has ever given to me. My parents helped me so much through this process as well specially my father since he was in a similar situation before he met my mom. My mother is a superhero without a cape she’s helped me through everything. We fight a lot but no one in this world has a heart as golden as hers. Slowly I started trust more friends and family on what was going on and once I started to open up I Knew what my decision was even though I did not want to accept it because my heart was so broken. Let me tell you guys how much help it was to talk to my small circle of trusted people I was helpless to a certain point but somebody was always there to pick me up, make me laugh, take me out, carry my kids, buy me wing stop, take me to flannys, or wipe my tears away. My last few months in Miami were by far the most fun I’ve had in a while everyone came to my rescue and a day doesn’t go by that I don’t thank god in my prayers for my support system. To this day you guys are still there for me besides my imperfections and love me so much I wouldn’t change any single friendship of mine for anything. But, In my head the following questions aroused what were people going to say? What about my kids? Was it okay? How am I going to this? Is this the right answer? Their so little! God how will you feel? I don’t want my kids not to have a father? I don’t want to give my kids step parents!